1986 was a pretty bad year, and within it April was a pretty crap month. In the year as a whole I had three jobs, two close family funerals, and one broken engagement!
At the start of the year, I decided that it was time to move on from the insurance company I had been working for since 1980. Their attitude towards promotion was that the longer you've been here, the further you will go, irrespective of ability. Finding every promotion blocked due to this, I looked for jobs elsewhere. I found one working for an insurance broker in Slough High Street, thus saving the train fare to Ealing as well. I was due to start at the beginning of April. The night before my last day at the old job, my Nan (my Mother's step mum) died.
I start a new job, and have to take time off straight away for a funeral, this did not go down well. Despite knowing that I had worked for an insurance company only, I was expected to know the ins and outs of the broking trade with next to no training. This was to prove impossible, and they let me go in under three weeks! To say I was hacked off would be an understatement! It proved, however, to be a blessing in disguise, or God's providence, depending on how you look at it.
Sunday April 27th 1986, I'll remember it forever. A normal Sunday really, well it was at lunchtime when I had a slight disagreement with my Dad. Him and Mum, who were both scout leaders then went off to a St.George's day parade, whilst I did whatever I was doing for the rest of that day. The disagreement was my fault, so I thought I'd make it up with him, by shouting us a Chinese for tea later. I never got the chance! After the parade, they went to my Grandparents to cut the grass for them. Dad had a heart attack and died at his parents' house. The first I knew of it was when Mum was driven home by a family friend, the wife of one of our ministers. I assumed it was one of my Grandparents. I was devastated, especially as my last conversation had been a heated one. I never had the chance to say sorry, or to thank him for everything he had done for me over the years. Mum lost both her step Mum and husband within three weeks of each other. The funeral was hard for all who went to it. Two ministers from the church took the service, as neither thought they would get through it on their own! My Grandfather managed somehow to say some of the words at the grave side for the internment of the ashes, as he was a lay preacher.
The blessing I mentioned earlier, was that I was at home to help look after Mum, when my brother went back up to university. I found another broking job a month later, doing maternity cover, which lasted another six years.
Things like my brother's graduation and Christmas were very strange, as an important person was missing.
In December my girlfriend decided to break things off, just after we put down a deposit for an engagement ring. A pretty crap year all round really.
A few things made the year bearable. As a family we really found out who our friends were. Sometimes when you do not know what to say, just being there is enough! Others could not even do that, and contact was lost. I know you are reading this Phil, thanks again for everything mate! With hindsight, we worked out that you knew of Dad's death before I did, but you did not ring to console or anything, till you knew that I had seen my Mum. That means a lot to me, as did you picking up the pieces again in December. We've been through a lot together, as have our two families, long may it continue, even though you are now stateside.
A moral from this year, is always tell the ones you love, that you do when you part, or it may just be too late.
The other thing that kept me going, in the moments of tears in my bedroom, was the Dire Straits album Brothers In Arms. For no real reason, every song on it spoke to me, the title track in particular. So here it is, dedicated to those who I have loved who are no longer here, and to Phil my "brother in arms".
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