I was originally going to call this one Talking To Myself, but could not find any clips of it all, so having to use another Terraplane tack instead, the title of which is also apt in a way. For those that do not know, three of Terraplane went on to form Thunder, currently one of the UK's best rock bands.
Married life has been, and hopefully always will be, wonderful. That is not to say that life has always been a bed of roses. After a few years of married life my job was moved from Maidenhead (6 miles away) to just south of London Bridge. The daily commute of leaving home just before seven in the morning, and getting back at just gone seven at night, on a good day, gradually ground me down. More often than not, I'd come home, have some food, and go straight out to some Church event such as outreach football, or a leadership meeting. The lack of time to recharge my batteries took a toll on my well being, though I was the only one who could not see it!
In 1994 I took a job working for a brokers twenty minutes walk from home. It should have been ideal, but after one day I wanted to walk out. I lasted a year somehow. The boss was very old school, and despite having fourteen years experience I was not allowed to do anything without referral to him. Not good for my health either! I left with no job to go to, but with peace of mind.
We moved down here in 1997. Our first boy was born in September, two months early, with slight heart problems. Our second boy was born in April 2003, the day before my Mum died following a stroke a week or so earlier.
In December 2005 my Aunt, my Dad's sister died. My brother and I had to clear out her room at the nursing home she had lived in. We came across bags containing all the letters she had received going back years. This for no apparent reason set off in me a period of deep sadness, loneliness, and of insecurity.
I still do not work in the accepted sense of the word, but have chosen to be the primary carer for our sons, and doing voluntary conservation work in the countryside.
If you have been following all the posts in this mini series so far, you will have realised that the last 22 years have seen some highs and some pretty deep lows for me. With hindsight, this has led me to have bouts of what could be described as depression. I have also been wrestling internally with choices I have made over the years. I also wish I could alter events that are long gone, that I was not even present at when they did happen. This by the way is why the original title of this thread would have fitted slightly better. As a Christian I KNOW and ACCEPT that God has forgiven and forgotten all that I worry about, but for some reason I find it hard to let go myself. I still have feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, but to take the title of this song out of context though, thanks to God, family and close friends - I Survive!
No comments:
Post a Comment